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in this great future, you can't forget your past

Tanya
Date: 2004-11-07 20:27
Subject: FRIENDS ONLY
Security: Public
FROM NOW ON MY JOURNAL WILL BE FRIENDS ONLY. I AM TOO LAZY TO CHANGE THE PREVIOUS ENTRIES, SO IT SHALL START FROM TODAY.
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Tanya
Date: 2004-11-06 19:16
Subject: the list
Security: Public
Mood:odd
Music:drop it like its hot-pharrell, snoop dog
I am going to make a list of things that have made me happy and sad since school has started:
HAPPY
1. School actually starting
2. Meeting new people
3. Frosh Week
4. Being in a place where you can go to Second Cup and sit around for two hours on your break
5. Going to QQ Teashop and playing games with Tracey and Erin
6. The university atmosphere
7. Being surrounded by brilliant people who have so many different opinions
8. Feeling like I belong
9. Knowing that once I am done with University, I will hopefully have a nice job and a family
10. Finally realizing that I can be myself, and not worry about what others think.
11. Realizing that I have great friends
12. Finally knowing that my parents won't kill me if I fail.

SAD
1. School ( its odd how school is in both the sad and happy category)
2. Failing my economics midterm ( the peak of sadness)
3. Realizing that if I fail economics, I won't get into second year
4. Realizing that, although I may have been somewhat smart in high school, I am pretty dumb in university.
5. PRESSURE from school work
6. Actually wanting to die, because I can't handle school anymore.
7. Really wanting to quit my job, even though I went through so much to get it.
I guess the happy outweigh the sad in numbers, but truly, the weight of each sad listing is much more than the weight of each happy listing. Sad things make me more sad now, then happy things make me happy. But its all good.
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Tanya
Date: 2004-11-02 20:53
Subject: la di da-ness
Security: Public
Mood:amusedamused
Music:locked up
3 midterms next week. Assignments due this week. Am I stressed? Actually, not as much as I was before. I think I am learning to calm down. Tracey and I were talking today, and we think that the peak of our stress was a few weeks ago... ( around the time when I found out I failed my midterm). But now it is slowly wearing off. Mine will return for a quick visit next week, but after that, I think the stress will vanish...hopefully forever..or at least until finals ( ah I hate that word).
This sounds dumb and extremely nerdy, but I am excited to start next semester all new and fresh and actually study every day. See I say this, but I guarantee you, I will not do it. I'm just a big talker.
p.s. I got 29.5/30 on my math assignment. What the hell. 0.5 off. I got perfect on the last assignment, and the test 72%. I just hope I get good on the next test, which is very hard. Calculus actually isn't my worst class.
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Tanya
Date: 2004-10-31 18:01
Subject: (no subject)
Security: Public
Mood:annoyedannoyed
Music:coldplay- we never change
In regards to our Halloween club night, I think Erin's present MSN name says it best: " The three of us were all wearing far too much clothing for that shindig."
It was alot of fun. We went to 77 for this SOCS ( Society of Off Campus Students) Halloween party. Erin and Tracey were dressed up as 80's People. They looked so awesome, very 80's, with leg warmers and all! I was Bob Marley and I had the beanie with dreads ( which Erin got me for my birthday), and I just wore a long-ish baggy shirt with jeans and then a jamaican flag bandana tied around my hand. I can't wait to see pictures of our costumes:)
We ended up missing the bus, but luckily I was able to get the car, so we drove to the club. It was really nice inside. GIRLS ARE WHORES. Every girl was dressed up in like whore-ish clothing and wore bunny ears and they were a rabbit or something. One guy was big bird, and he was drinking, and it was such a bad image. After that we went to get McDonalds. YUM. We sat and ate it and watched a cat run around.
It was a fun night. And I look forward to fun nights now because I have no life anymore. School is my life, which sucks so much. Tonight I am sleeping over at my grandma's because I am going to help her out and keep her company because my grandpa is still in the hospital ( I saw him today, and he looks so much better) I think every night one of the grandkids sleeps over at my grandma's now, so I said I would tonight, and just go straight to school from there in the morning.
......oooo trick or treaters are coming.....
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Tanya
Date: 2004-10-29 17:41
Subject: best song at the moment
Security: Public
Mood:contemplativecontemplative
Music:my boo - usher and alicia keys
I love this song so muchCollapse )
...especially the first usher intro.
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Tanya
Date: 2004-10-27 18:25
Subject: sadness, yet again
Security: Public
Mood:discontentdiscontent
My grandpa had a heart attack early this morning and is in the hospital. At 2 in the morning it happened and the doctors said that it was really bad and stuff. But now, they said its better. They keep saying " yes, he's very old". I dont know what that means. Im scared. My papa is the bestest.I love him. I hope he will be ok. I saw him today and he looked so different. I didn't even know what to say to him.
Im going to pray.
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Tanya
Date: 2004-10-25 16:59
Subject: cleared
Security: Public
Mood:annoyedannoyed
Music:greek songs for music
I went to the Finance Office first thing in the morning. I explained everything to them. I showed them this thing I printed out and they said I actually didn't pay. My mom wrote me a cheque for the amount due, and I gave it to them and asked them a million times if this was ok, and that I won't get kicked out or..unregistered. They said yeah, but were kind of rude about it. Im just happy thats over with. I was so stressed. I over reacted. But the thing is, I prefer to over react then under react, so yeah.
I have a music midterm tomorrow. Gotta study. I also found out I have a Comp Sci midterm Nov 9, Economics NOv 10, and Calc Nov 11. Thats just great. All bunched into 3 days, therefore I cannot fully study alot for one at a time. Ugh.........
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Tanya
Date: 2004-10-24 20:10
Subject: someone kill me now
Security: Public
Mood:aggravatedaggravated
Seriously. Kill me. I hate my life. I just got a letter from McMaster saying I haven't paid yet and that if I dont by October 22nd which was two days ago, then my registration can be cancelled. What the hell. I paid damn it. I hate life, seriously , I do. Why is this happening. Tomorrow I am going to go talk to them. All I want to do is cry, forever and ever. When will it get better.
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Tanya
Date: 2004-10-21 23:53
Subject: feeling better
Security: Public
Mood:mellowmellow
Music:politik-coldplay
Thank you everyone who commented on my last entry, it helped alot. Especially Tracey and Erin. Honestly, you guys know what to say to make me feel so much better. Thank you so much. I don't know what I would do without you guys. Now I'm going to cry because I am happy, that I have friends who care.
I cried alot today to my parents. I told them and they said they kind of knew. My mom said, " tanya, now, we don't care that you failed, we want you to try your best". I honestly cannot believe I heard those words. It made me so relieved. They knew I was disappointed and I cried so much. I think they were scared I would do something drastic ( which I wouldn't), so they just consoled me, which I thought was great because they have never done that before when it comes to school and stuff. They just want me to try harder. My dad even said I could switch to Social Science if I don't get in. But I still want to stay in Business. I just feel better knowing that my family doesn't think I am stupid. Things are getting better. And plus, I would have rather failed now, and have a chance to do better, then get perfect now, and fail later.
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Tanya
Date: 2004-10-20 22:22
Subject: failure
Security: Public
Mood:depresseddepressed
I now understand how that guy who jumped off the bridge because he failed feels. I've been crying for an hour straight and I can't stop. Yes, I failed. I failed my midterm. I am a failure. I hate economics. I can't believe I failed. I have never failed like this before. And its worth 20% percent of my mark. And of course, we have no assignments, just two midterms and an exam. I don't know what to do. I hate life. I actually studied. And people who didn't study and just copied, got better than me. I can't stop crying. Crying won't help, but it does. I guess I better start studying now for my next economics midterm.
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Tanya
Date: 2004-10-18 22:06
Subject: school is crappy, but better than last week
Security: Public
Mood:hopefulhopeful
Music:coldplay-the scientist
This week is much better in regards to school work. I just have a math assignment due on Friday and a couple of things next week. But this week is good. I got perfect on my math assignment. And no, I should not feel that special because lots of people got perfect. I did not get perfect on my math test for sure, although lots of people did ( because alot of them cheated). I think I got around the 70's which is ok, but I wish I got an 80. Ah well.
Today I had cash and I went to get a bubble tea at bubble bobble in the games room. It was sooooooooo good. It was mango ice or something. It was quite filling. I think it is better than QQ teashop.
Today I went to HMV and I bought the Tupac Greatest Hits CD because it was on sale for 14.99 and usually its over 30 bucks. I also got the Coldplay CD and it was 9.99 although the same one was 19.99...
I printed out some more sheet music now that our printer is working, and I am learning Coldplay songs because they are nice for the Piano. I am in the process of learning The Scientist at the moment. Its quite nice.
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Tanya
Date: 2004-10-15 19:31
Subject: too true
Security: Public
Mood:aggravatedaggravated
Music:coldplay-the scientist
This is the truest thing everCollapse )
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Tanya
Date: 2004-10-11 23:27
Subject: (no subject)
Security: Public
Mood:draineddrained
I hate computer science. Please, dear God, I hope I pass. If I do not, I think I might die. I wish I was naturally smart at this stuff, I really do. I am so scared.
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Tanya
Date: 2004-10-11 09:51
Subject: (no subject)
Security: Public
Mood:anxiousanxious
Music:coldplay-clocks
How was everyones thanksgiving? Mine was pretty good. We went to a family friends house for thanksgiving. We go there every year. This year, the girl, who is 16, brought her boyfriend over. It was fun to watch the reaction of people. Her parents are very open-minded. Its weird because even though her parents and my parents are the same age, her mom and their whole family was born in Canada. So they aren't typical Indian parents. Well, the guy, he's Punjabi but was born here. He's....not what everyone expected I guess. She is 16, he is 19. When you talk to him though, its just like....ok. He isn't that good looking either, so I thought maybe he would have a great personality. But no. Hes kind of nice yea, but just blah. The only thing is, he is 19, in college and has a car. Isn't that what every 16 year old girl wants? Hahaha. Anyways, on the way home my sister and I had a discussion with my parents again, about what is acceptable. Like the two of them were holding hands and like all cuddly infront of everyone. My parents said that was so stupid etc. So now I know, that I cannot do that infront of them, and I never would even if I was married ( well maybe). I asked my parents, what they did if they brought a girlfriend/boyfriend over. My dad said that they would pretend they didn't know eachother, not look or touch each other either. What a typical answer. Its funny the way parents think. Anyways, I have too much studying to do today, so I might not even go to my cousins birthday party. Hopefully I will go.
...I cant believe the long weekend is over:(
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Tanya
Date: 2004-10-08 17:32
Subject: yay for the weekend
Security: Public
Mood:moodymoody
Music:one mic-nas
I am so happy its the weekend. I have alot of homework, but still, long weekends are great.
I had my calculus test yesterday at 9pm. It was brutal. It was 6 multiple choice questions and you wouldn't think that would be hard, but it was. It was worth 20% of our mark too, so if you get 2 questions wrong you get like 67% right there. I was so scared. Hopefully I did well.
There are so many family parties this weekend. My little cousin Emma's first birthday is tomorrow. I can't believe she is going to be 1. Then on Sunday we are going to a family friends house for thanksgiving dinner. Then on Monday its my other cousins 8th birthday/thanksgiving with the family dinner. When will I study, I dont know. But its ok. I will bring my textbook to the parties. Haha. I say this now, but it won't happen.
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Tanya
Date: 2004-10-04 21:55
Subject: rant
Security: Public
Mood:aggravatedaggravated
Music:jo jo-leave
I honestly am going to die. I have so much work to do, and I haven't even started. ( Dont ask me why I am on LJ) This weekend all I did was that computer assignment, and now I think I did some of it wrong. I dont even care, Im so fed up. Now its around 10pm, I just got back from work, I have a Hinduism test tomorrow and I havent started "studying" yet, I still have to start my Music Essay which is due Thursday and I still have to study for my Math Test which is Thursday as well. I also have to start studying for my computer science and economics tests next week because there is so much information. AH. I can't handle this. Too much.
I stayed up until 2 yesterday, and I plan on doing that for the rest of this week. Next time, I am going to start things EARLIER, even when I think I have no homework, I'm just going to study for possible tests.
*sigh* so this is what University feels like.....
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Tanya
Date: 2004-10-03 16:01
Subject: HELP HELP HELP
Security: Public
Mood:aggravatedaggravated
Music:bob marley-ammin
If you can help me, I will love you forever.
COMPUTER GENIUS'PLEASE HELP MECollapse )
These are the questions I am having some trouble with. Any help would be greatly greatly greatly appreciated:) I have a Pentium II, so you can just..guess, what my system has.lol. I hope it makes sense.
Its due tomorrow....yes I'm a procrastinator.
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Tanya
Date: 2004-09-29 19:35
Subject: slackin' and not liking it
Security: Public
Mood:hopefulhopeful
Music:shadow-ashlee simpson
I have so much work to do. I have been postponing alot of it because I always say, " well there is tomorrow". But no, now I must start doing things or I will fail and then die.
School is good. Its not that bad actually. Its just that I have 3 or 4 assignments due next week, and I dont want to do them. Especially the music one, because I haven't attended a concert yet.
Today was the Finance Association's Wine and Cheese Party. I really wanted to go. You have to dress up in business attire because CEO's of companys will be there and stuff. I didnt get to go because I came home late and so did my mom so I couldnt use the car. I was so mad because I waited for the bus for 20 min and then one bus came and it said StoneChurch to meadowlands so I knew I didnt have to take that one, and then one came after that and said StoneChurch west....meadowlands and west is the same thing and apparently the meadowland lady forgot to change the bus sign. Is she stupid!? So I had to wait another 30 minutes on top of that. I walked around in old navy for a bit. I want this black sweatery jacket thing, but I think I will wait for it to go on sale.
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Tanya
Date: 2004-09-27 20:25
Subject: recap of temptation 2004
Security: Public
Mood:mellowmellow
Music:infultrate-sean paul
Today there was a BR reunion at the bus stop and on the bus. It was Joel, Matt, Helena, Kelly, Erin and Me. It was quite nice. This morning on the bus, a truck hit the buses mirror so we ended up waiting for almost half an hour for the bus driver to go talk to the "bus hitters". It was annoying.
This guy in my class went to Temptation 2004 last night and *sigh* I really wish I went. He said instead of starting at 7pm it started at around 10. Thats Indian Standard Time for ya. He said the performance by SRK was really good and Saif played the guitar! He's so good at playing the guitar. The Arjun guy got boo-ed alot, haha, poor guy. Rani and Preity were there, and they did Mahi Ve, and all the cool songs. Theres another performance on Wednesday.
I really need to find a concert for my music class. He said we could do the Sum 41 concert that the University had for frosh week, but then we might not get a good mark because lots of people will be doing it. I dont know what to do. I really wanted to do that. I don't know where I will find a concert to go to. I could find a cheap classical one in Hamilton I suppose.
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Tanya
Date: 2004-09-25 21:01
Subject: wondering
Security: Public
Mood:awake
Music:dola re-devdas
Why are most Indian parents so strict? Ive been thinking alot about strictness, especially with Indian parents concerning dating, marriage etc. My parents insist on me marrying a Goan Brahmin Catholic. What the hell. If I find a nice one, ok. But, what if I like someone else who is not Goan, not Catholic or anything? What would they do? What could they do? I know for a fact they would kill me if I married someone who was black, white or chinese. Indian is the only thing basically. I want to marry someone Indian too, so at least its narrowed down. The only main guys I've ever liked were brown too, so thats good.But there are soooo many different types of Indians. And of course, I come from such a small state that I only know a few Goan people, all of whom I don't "like-like". What would they say about someone who was West Indian, Guyanese or Trinidadian. Would they consider that actually Indian? I do not know.
Its odd because I don't truly know how strict they are about this until I actually defy their rules. I have a vision of how they would react, but sometimes the things parents say or do are unexpected, so I dont know. I find my dad is more..."westernized" than my mom, just because he grew up in Uganda, England and Canada, while my mom went straight from India to Canada, and still has views from like the 1800's. Anyways, I was just wondering about all this, and felt I needed to write it down. Advice, or your views would be great:)
EDIT: I took out the Brahmin part of "Goan Brahmin Catholic" because, truly, I don't think they care about the caste that much anymore, but if it was a Brahmin that would be better in their books, I assume.
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